My Underworld

A cycle has completed, its finality brings with it complexity and understanding of my dark and light nature. The illustrous owl perched at my side, illuminating shadows to see more clearly.

This time period was a lifetime all on its own.

New Year’s 2007 the Owl appeared, with his yellow, penetrating eyes, beckoning me to view the inner depths I was seeking.
“Be Careful” were his wise words to me as I plunged into the depths of my deep and murky underworld.

Nothing could hide from his intense stare as we traveled the river Styx in search of all my ghosts and demons that were lurking.

This world was fraught with seduction and temptation. A place where phantasmorphic figures rose as distorted illusions that seemed oh, so real. I would gaze around this illusory world to phantoms represented by societal perceptions as well as my own ideas of what I held to be superficial truths of who and what I was.

No longer

My truths became highlighted as inner workings of subconscious patterns were revealed. Deeply imbedded cycles within me, family and society came to my waking mind. Bringing the information back to the conscious surface, I would then be strengthened with the knowledge of what I had accrued.

“Trust Yourself”
This thought was my anchor, even when I couldn’t fathom understanding it.

Many experiences over these years were bright, light and love-filled, giving me a point of reference to base my truth upon. Receiving glimpses of an enlightened state, I would come back to the reality of the patterns instilled within me and humanity. Disheartening and downright suffocating at times, haunting and deliberating moments of facing shadows of self and others.
Occurrences and people were a mirror to shadows of mine realized over the past 6 years. My subconscious would attract what I needed to see to be freed of my inner limitations. Coming up for a breath, I would have a complete epiphany, my world would shift around it. To witness the beauty of who I was uncovering, the real me. The depths while murky held rapture within themselves, a shroud that when the light shone in was illuminated strength.

Giving gratitude the whole time as I knew that when experiencing pain it was my epoch of strengthening, as I became awakened.

The owl showed itself again 3 years later, while I was immersed in my world of soul seeking and a mini visionquest. It’s wing almost brushing my cheek, I thanked it for showing its presence so visibly. I thought I was finished with this underworld, only to hear after a lapse of time, the owl whisper in my ear

“Go Deeper”

Through the years I dove farther into the swampy muck of individual and collective patterns. My purpose to cut free karma from myself and the underbelly of our reality.
Being sucked into the depths, like a puzzle, I began to make sense of the patterns displayed.

Morphing and shifting, these ghosts of patterns would show up around different turns, tempting me with their ideas, sucking me into their spheres, giving access to what they deemed important. With the power of who I was, it was my choice to feed them or watch as they vanished from my existence with the upsurgance of inner realizations. My scythe was love, acceptance and surrendering. I would cut them free…. and remind myself, with the owl perched on my shoulder

“Remember who you are, that is your unshakeable force. No matter who or what any person says, you are you and that space will never be forsaken. For that is your individual essence in this multifarious existence”

It was only an illusion.
That is not real,

to me.

As though they never were in the first place, these ghosts of disillusionments caused by conditioning to deep extents would all but vanish from my perception. Like phantoms of the past they became nothing more than distant memories.

Overwhelming at times, with the seductions and temptation of focusing on ideas, emotions, experiences, thoughts and conditions that I knew deep down were not my highest truth.

Ultimately, The illusions of Ego, which I will elaborate on more in the next few posts.

The presence of the owl has made itself known again, this time letting me know this cycle is through. Surfacing, I have an understanding of who I am. My underworld traversed, ghosts released with intentions and motives that mirrored these old parts of me witnessed to their extinction.
I have come out of the other side of Hades, awakened and aware, knowing and clear.

The realization of the illusion has penetrated my waking mind, in that there is a part of me laughing, this game becomes so easy.
Only empowerment, positivity and love will come from this, with strength, knowing and trust in myself. The ways in which I gave my inner power away into illusions are now in place of inner empowerment.

For it was my choice all along.

Sun Gazing via Facebook

I understand this as part of my Kundalini’s journey.
A process aligning my subconscious, conscious and superconscious.
My filters and experience are reconditioned to bring me insight into myself and others. And that to me, is the most enlightened I can become, right now.

All is of my choosing and I take full responsibility for what I think, do, speak and experience. I am no longer victim, martyr, scapegoat or any of the other roles I may have created from these murky patterns that are freed.

I am at a clear slate, where any and everything can be created. It is up to me what I feed, love and focus on, give to and create.
With consciousness comes the great responsibility to BE, as we were all created to BE.

Over time aware of the awareness behind thinking, the all-pervasive existence that just is.

Questioning from this place when thinking,

Are you fear or love based and do you serve my highest?

This is where questioning the ego comes full circle.

Is it ego questioning ego?

Or is there a higher intelligent consciousness in place?

Yes, the dark will fall, and in its place will be illuminated grace.

Whoever said it was a quick process becoming awakened?

xo ,


Of course, the detailed experiences will be lit up in my book….. ;)

Kundalini Awakening 2

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About Nicole Ciccarelli

I speak my Truth through means of this artistic expression. I write with the intention of bringing adventure, love, knowledge and intention through profound soul-searching and question. I ask for you who read; to acknowledge and live your Purpose and Dream.
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