Breaking My Arm Healed My Nihilism

“You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame;
how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?”

The past few months have felt like a whirlwind of excitement and opportunity, tossing me to and fro. Within the eye of the storm my center has remained. Forever I return to it. Seeking solace in what can feel like madness within matter and existence.

A nagging feeling of Nihilism was underlying my life the past couple of years. The passion and vigor that once drove me to be daring, seemed fading. I was starting to feel that my lofty ambitions were only pipe dreams. Perhaps I was silly to be dreaming so big while the reality was not at all what I had dreamt.

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Like a crescendo in a symphony, opportunity permeated my life with deep harmony. Healing to mind and spirit. Helping me to master the outer realms with introspection into the shadows and light of self. As only a great teacher does.
In a way that only true mastery of self-love occurs. This state of mind has taken ahold, possessing all the right ingredients to create a cacophony of chaotic beauty.

And completely shake me out of what I knew things to be.

What is the meaning if one doesn’t dare to dream or take chances?

Or laugh at the expense of self?

I dared again and flew to Los Angeles, on a whim and string of possibilities. To encounter new experiences and a fateful night in which I tripped over a balcony 15 feet onto the cement, breaking my elbow and having a surgery that I quickly am recovered from.

Since then an epiphany has overcome me, thus being; all the mundane complaints that could underly my thoughts are vanishing. I am filled with joy and laughter and a new manner of looking at life. In complete gratitude for being alive, let alone only having a broken elbow. As I keep reiterating to myself, this could’ve been much worse.

I have a renewed sense; an awe for the microcosm in life is resurfacing. I am seeing how much love, abundance and beauty surround me. Not in the future, not as a hope, not in my dreams, but here and now, in my living reality.

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Intention: Radiating the love I feel for life and those around me as pure gratitude from my source of living consciousness. Being lead by this heart of mine, guiding and shining through what may feel like chaos into clarity.

Triumphant over tragedy in mind, body and spirit.

As 2013 draws to an end, I savor the moments with family and friends. I am in complete awe of the universe and its manifestations.

I know that 2014 will be a year of action, gratitude and awakening. Sowing the seeds of my dreams that have already been planted, knowing my highest potential is manifesting with gratitude and action.

Any Nihilism becoming Extropianism.

“To love beauty is to see light.”- Victor Hugo

Xo,

Nicole

As with all in my life, the details will be explored more in my memoir.
I want to extend a warm thank you for all the help I’ve received from family and friends with this injury. While my independence wants me to do everything myself, there are times when help is necessary and for that I am truly grateful.

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