Ayahuasca’s Seed

Ayahuasca found me, easily.

I knew that the best way to undertake this ceremony would be to go into the jungle, yet that was not to be along this journey.
My inner guidance told me.

“You will come back to the jungle, Nicole.”

Eating lightly the day before and refraining from anything such as caffeine, sugar, condiments or what the medicine does not like, I aptly prepared myself.

I asked the medicine the night before in meditation

“Show me what I need to see in order to more fully live my purpose, which I know to be illuminating myself, others and healing this earth.”

With a friend I had met, I will call him Pato, who was taking part in San Pedro, we departed with the shaman, for our ceremony.

Arriving in this young shaman’s house with his wife, there were animal skins and masks hanging on the walls.

With Pato translating,
“You are so young” we spoke to him.

He replied
“Its better to have a young shaman, sometimes the older ones have taken on many negative energies. There are so many false shamans here for the tourists, who do not understand the medicine. My family is from the jungle, the knowledge of the medicine been passed down our lineage within my tribe for generations.”
He continued
“Most of what you will see, will be an internal journey, this medicine is not so much about the shaman, as it is about your inward learning.”

Ayahuasca Vine and San Pedro Cactus

I drank a small amount of the dark, syrupy, bitter liquid, gagging a bit as it went down.



Awakening itself within me, the medicine was feeling warm and tingly.

Ceremony Tools

The shaman spoke to me,
“We believe this medicine pulls up everything no longer needed in your body; physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally
As it pulls it up, you will become sick,
throw it up.”
As he was speaking this, I could feel a churning in my stomach.
Vomiting is an essential part of this, I felt better immediately.

After he and his wife cleared us with sounds, feathers and tools, he lit a fire in the middle of the room, with the sacred, purifying Palo Santo wood.
He told us to stand and individually jump over this fire 7 times for purification.

The fire was growing and I jumped 7 times, in my altered state, fire licking up to my thighs, I wondered if it was going to eat me alive.

Afterwards I sat with him and he handed me something.

“Young shaman, I am giving you this sacred seed from the jungle, this is given to shaman initiates, you will not find this seed anywhere else in the world.
When you are ready, come to the amazon to study the plant medicine and Shamanism”

Starting the development of my healing abilities years ago, a new initiation was placed in front of me, one that when cultivated will grow into a beautiful tree of being. This is not something that can be learned in a classrom setting, this is intrinsic abilities continuing their evolution.

He spoke to me
“Wear this seed and it will keep you balanced, for you are a karma eater”
I have known this to be true since since I was younger, being empathic, I take on energies from others and release them.

Sitting eyes closed with my seed, the medicine started speaking to me…

“Don’t settle for anything less than what you have come into, my dear.
You have overcome many obstacles in your life, including yourself, and if that is not respected and honored by those surrounding you, surround yourself with only those that do. Give love and focus on you many types of friends, communities, families and loved ones for they will always support you.

Don’t be surprised if people and ideas that are no longer encouraging and supporting your highest purpose fall out of your life, it is no longer for you on your path.

No one but you knows how to achieve your truth, how to live your life, everyone else’s ideas are part of their reality. Create from your knowing, that my dear is true self-sovereignty.

You may play out patterns of who you are no longer, hold fast to the visions you have been given and create from the knowing of your greater purpose. This seed you have been gifted represents your transformation, plant it within your heart, mind and spirit to grow from powerfully.

Push through what ANYONE thinks of you and be unstoppable in your purpose, no need to justify to anyone, be your own resolve .
Share yourself more and strip away all the layers that are blocking you from seeing, it is only you who have been blinded to your true being.

Move forward, even when you want to give up, the challenges are what refine your character, be that center of strength, against all conformity.
Do what you know to be right, against any conditioned mindset.

Know that your are a bright light, even if its not always seen, right and wrong are irrelevant, perception is everything.
Move through the toughest obstacles,
for you will achieve your highest dream,

which is part of the collective dream.”




Ayahuasca’s Femininity

Ayahuasca’s Femininity

You came beckoning to me in my dreams, I could feel your pull to come sip amongst your knowledge yet again.
Speaking in your powerful way, you said to me….

“Come find me, I will lead you to where you need to be, the right Shaman you will be guided to as I transform you.
Purifying you mind and spirit, I am a tool, one when used with the right intention will propel you forward.
Speak to me before you take part, everything will be drawn to you, if it is found easily it is meant to be”

Ayahuasca, a drink that is made from the vines of the amazon, powerful plant medicine, that shifts one into new dimensions within self. It is more feminine in nature and relates to the earth goddess. The traditions of this ceremony date back centuries, usually facilitated by a shaman. One drinks this as an undertaking that comes with reverence for the power of the medicine.

This is an absolute surrendering to whatever the medicine wishes to impart in one’s being, pulling up negativity and shadows to be viewed, and purged.
There can be deaths of self, and viewings beyond what the conscious mind can grasp, understanding of what lies underneath all the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
mind chatter.



I heard whispered in my ear,

Peru is where you will find me.

The energies of these ancient lands were calling me

Come to me, come to me.

I set the intention, the power of the mind being my one true religion. The visions I could taste and smell. These visions carried with them a weight beyond proportions of what I was grasping.

In them,

untethered by conditions and patterns of my world and society, even more sovereign in myself

I spoke back to her

Show me how to get to you…..

I will begin with the end, back to the feminine.
Callpa, a person, also representing
a circle, starting and ending in the same place.
a cycle complete
Death = Transformation

Within the being feminine the masculine action is born.
Action comes from being, being causes action.

My last and final resolve, owning my body and femininity.

Excursions of action and asserting my masculine, death of self experiences, with elements harsh, I am still processing the teachings.


Testing ever ounce and fiber of my being with
not giving up or in,
no matter what I am faced with.


A softness occurs.
In this softness a nurturance of what I have undertaken.

A vacation away from an excursion,
back now in Bocas, circling, this time with renewed purpose, in that
I am

who I am

With a superb teacher for this.

My aunts have been amazing forces in my life, guiding me with their knowledge, passion and strength.
I am being guided yet again, for the final teaching along this journey, by Laura, owner of Bocas Yoga. An independent, graceful, confident woman, she has become a soul-aunt, I am blissfully inspired. Staying in the guest room attached to the studio, a dream- space is giving rise to the cultivation of what I have acquired.
cozy room

Laura is Anusara Yoga inspired, living Shri,
universal principles of seeing beauty first.

I came here after mention of a photo shoot.
That photo shoot turned into an uncloaking of beauty so as to learn to share myself with the world.
Cultivating my beauty with grace and no longer giving a fuck what anybody thinks.

Fully owning, integrating and being proud of who I’ve become

“Shine your beauty out” I heard in one of the amazing yoga classes

How overly critical I can be of myself at times, expecting a perfection that is hard to meet, an over-worn, conditioned belief that my beauty and sexiness can only be had if I am over five foot three, a super-model or slutty.

After what I have faced and created, it is time to get rid of that bs and implement me, and MY BEAUTY into my being.
Re-patterning reservations from a brainwashed and objectified society.

I don’t need to be a c cup to feel beautiful.  Although it feels fun to have 😉
I don’t need to dress in Prada to know I am beautiful.
I don’t need to wear makeup everywhere to look beautiful.

My beauty isn’t what I look like, how I dress, what I drive, where I am or with who, those are all extensions of what is within.
My beauty cannot be found outside of myself, it is an inward state emanating out, it’s my light and my ability to radiate to all who are in my presence.
True beauty is the ability to love myself, own myself and be confident in how I represent myself to the world.
Trying to look perfect is a state of insecurity, my imperfections give rise to the greatest beauty of all


Extraordinary idiosyncrasies that are mine to claim.

It’s about intention, if I think I am beautiful, and radiate that with grace and action, to me that is truly living my beauty.

New-found Beauty has come with action, the action of integrity in

purpose and




to be continued…..