Love to Love Me

 

A wise woman once stated
“It’s not how much you love the person you are with,
it’s how much you love yourself with that person.”

Once upon a time I was in what I thought to be love. Rather than love, it was more of a lesson, within my soul’s growth and process.  I went to Germany for this love, a love I thought we would end up happily ever after, only to realize the ending of such was a new beginning.

Where it once felt easy and effortless, this love started to go against the flow.
I felt I was swimming upstream in a rapidly rushing current of water.
Missing my own boat to jump on another. Yet a healing process was underway. A transformation that the rest of my future world will help you discover, as I discovered myself.

I glimpsed my inner girl transforming within the chrysalis, accessing the woman I am. I began to experience my shadow and light, awareness of self coming into sharp contrast. I saw that I wasn’t living MY dream, rather living someone else’s.

I asked myself.

Am I happy? Please show me the truth of what I’m meant to see.
Seeing wasn’t easy.
My truth was

“This love isn’t right for me, cultivating an inner unshakeable love is to attract my true love who is meant to be”

Shockingly…
the universe slapped me in the face with reality,
shaking me to my core, waking me from my unawakened dreams, allowing me to let go of that which was no longer for me, to open up to unexplored possibilities.

A pivotal step in my growth, this spanning love throughout the years was a transformative teacher, strengthening me in who I am.

I learned that words are nothing but dreams without action…

Action Speaks.

I experienced my ability to give love and how much love I have to give, I love to love

If I am not truly loving myself, how could I possibly build a loving relationship on being in any space other than self-love?

With patience, independence and awareness, unhealthy patterns were overcome.

Within the cataclysmic breakdown of this relationship, I felt myself gliding into new directions. Thoughts came to me in the contemplative state I was in while traveling alone to Italy.

“I desire to move into a space of empowerment and inspiration close to and coming from my source. I will allow only the best treatment in my life, from myself most importantly. In order for me to have what I want with my love, I have to be my love. So that I can attract the love I’m meant to have with my true soul mate when the time is right.

It is time to do what feels right, be who I know myself to be, contentedly within, LETTING GO into my flow of existence.”

Walking through the romantically lit city of Verona, a treasure of unfounded beauty,
I understood that I came to Verona to fall in love.

to fall in love with me.

In the mirror, I had a heart to heart with self, looking into my eyes I told myself,

“Nicole…

I know that you were looking for this deep transformative love and wanted to have it because it made you feel loved, yet,

I LOVE YOU

The love, adoration, strength and happiness you are looking for, I will give to you, I am here for you and fully love you.
I believe in you, that is all I can do. When the time is right, True Love will find it’s way into your life, and you will know it’s right.”

With that being said, the cultivation of self-love has been more reliable, more trustworthy, more difficult and more resplendent than any love I have yet known.
Self love means loving who I am and loving my life, even through the harshness. Witnessing the beauty of self and life even when I almost want to give in, when I feel I slip up, when life is not what I want.

When every fiber of my being wants to break down and not push forward,

I persevere.

I love and accept myself and all that entails, my inner love becomes pronounced daily; the lotus flower within my heart, unfolding, never-ending.

My living dream is every moment, every experience, every taste, every smell, every encounter, every thought, every emotion.

Love is a two-way street and it starts within.

I am love

xo,

Nicole

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