Bon Voyage

After a contemplative, confusing and deliberating search over the past 4 months.
I have come to some conclusions about my life,

as of recently, my main questions have been
This has been a search that has caused me and many around me much confusion.
After thinking a chosen course was going to be my life, to end up where I started in the beginning, these questions highlight my current existence.
Leading me to dreams and more dreams
I am a visioneer, and my dreaming mind has taken me far and wide recently.
From Australia to study Naturopathy
to Europe teaching english
Toronto or back to San Francisco ( I heart SF)
Wait, I love Chicago too
maybe I should study Ayurvedic medicine and Yoga in India?
A little Thai massage in Thailand????
More recently wanting to volunteer in Costa Rica and Peru
I want to do all of it

patience, I kept telling myself
the answer will come

And what the answer has appeared as, is completely different than what I thought it would be.
It came as a surprise a few days ago.
I had thought I was going to be moving to NYC to start a job that I had received while on a weekend trip. This job is good, and by all logical propriety was a step I should take.
By American societal standards.
work to live, live to work.
A city that I lived in for 5 months last year, a place of excitement, energy, passion, action, determination, culture, culture, culture,

In one of the greatest cities in the world, hands down.

First question to self

What is my vision of success?
Its definitely not working a job every day that pays the bills and keeps me going, maybe working harder and I can be in the middle upper class.

My vision of success is my level of happiness and being lead by my intuitive heart, essentially following my dreams.

Second question
Is this my dream, and will I be happy doing this?
I desire to know, without a doubt that I am always making the best choice for myself, not just what is dictated by others, or a success driven society.

The answer was

No, my dreams are much more unconventional

Traveling, writing, dancing, loving, laughing, living, being in the present and whatever it may bring.
Using the world as my school, learning tools that aren’t presented in a classroom setting, nor with a certificate behind my name. Building my life into a space supporting all of my creative endeavors and giving to all who surround me.

Hands on yo

So do I listen to logic, and what is deemed appropriate by a society in its own rigid work schedule?

have I ever ; )

as much as I would like to take this job, it wasn’t feeling right to me.

and these feelings are what I base my life around.

I am following my guidepost, and what life has presented is completely different than what I thought I would be doing.
Like I said, I try to plan, and life itself doesn’t always want to be planned, so I give up trying to dictate what is right, and instead ask to be guided and shown by this force that works through me.
This is the basis for my existence.

Dear Detroit,

Much LOVE to you


I will fill you in tomorrow with where I am, and what has already transpired.

Until then,

here is to listening to my heart.



Animus Totem


Carl Jung theorizes that us humans have a subconscious, conscious and super-conscious (collective) mind, and they work together to create self.

The subconscious, or animus, is represented by our more primal instincts and qualities, like a sponge it retains everything that happens within our lives.
According to Kahuna (Hawaiian) and Native American traditions, every human has a totem, or animal spirit. These animal spirits have characteristics that hold aspects of our personality. They can also become our protectors and guardians as well.

Could I perhaps, have an animal spirit?


who are you???

Totems are something I view similar to horoscopes and astrology, it can be taken metaphorically or literally. If anything, it adds an element of fun to life. Signs, messages, traits are whatever we make them to be.
I give my life meaning, and the meaning I wish to give it is being a magical experience.
This is one of my many ways.

When I was 23, I had a profound experience introducing me to my main Totem.

It was a warm, sunny, brilliant day and I was driving to a friends house.
Happy, anticipatory, with the warm spring air blowing through my car, I was on a two lane road going up a hill, when I was stopped dead by the car in front of me. Before realizing what was happening, I looked in my rearview mirror to see a huge dump truck barreling into me. I knew that it wasn’t going to be able to stop. As if on cue I felt some force come through me to guide me in that moment, I veered my car to the the embankment, only to be plowed into with such force that it spun my car.
I knew that if it wasn’t for me turning to the right, I would’ve been smashed between the car that was in front of me and this bumbling, unstoppable dump truck.
I stepped out shaking, scared and in shock. Raindrops and white petals appeared, falling from a clear blue sky.
Bemused, I looked up and circling above me was a hawk. It seemed to stay there, as though it was watching over me.
I connected in that moment with the gliding, circling, grace and knew that what had happened was to connect me with this bird.
It was a beautiful moment.

Hawks appear around me, guiding me with a gentle grace
They speak to me….
You are on the right path, follow the signs.

Hawk represents spirit, being a visionary and messenger, not always accepted in the times that they are brought into.

I find it a game to see what totem is working with me, at different times I have had visits from varying animals in my life. Each one representing qualities that I was coming into or working towards owning.

During my travels I visited Montana, while there, one of my initiations was a mini vision quest.
A vision quest is a native american rite of passage to find oneself in solitude and nature, usually lasting 3 days. I had a distilled version for myself, which consisted of me gallivanting off into the forest by myself for 3 days, 10 hours a day.

The first day of this vision quest I was walking into the forest, unbeknownst to me there was an owl perching on a tree stump next to me, startling me as it flew up, it’s huge wing span almost hit me in the face.

Two days later, while meditating in this same forest, I opened my eyes to be staring 100 feet ahead of me into the yellow eyes of the owl, penetrating me with it’s gaze.
It was freaky and amazing, all in one.
I viewed it as a sign, as this was a time for me to go into my underworld, to use my night vision to journey within darker places within my unconscious mind.


How to find your Animal Totem

Sit quietly with yourself and ASK.

It may show up in your life unexpectedly. An animal or bird will appear and you will have an understanding. It may also come to you in dream form, or from another person telling you that you remind them of an animal.
Think about yourself and aspects of your personality that may relate to an animus.
Once you come to know this animal, then it is time to become more acquainted with its traits, so that it can be something to benefit you.

What is your Animus Totem?