Author: Nicole Ciccarelli

I speak my truth through means of this artistic expression. I write with the intention of bringing thought-provoking musings through profound soul-searching and questions. A lifestyle site with topics ranging from travel, anecdotal thoughts, health, meditation, yoga, economics, environment and esoteric teachings.

Subordination to Attainment

Posted in Creative Musings, Genetic REvolution, SustainabilityTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

“Capitalism being a system that allows you to go higher and higher up a potential pyramid. The deal is it comes with fewer and fewer safety nets.

By definition

The more stratified a society is, the fewer people you have as peers.

The fewer people for whom you have symmetrical reciprocal relationships

and instead all you have are differing spots and endless Hierarchies.

A world in which you have a fewer reciprocal partners is a world with a lot less Altruism.”

~Dr. Robert Sapolsky

MORE MONEY = HIGHER STATUS = CONTROL

For thousands of years we have been within an archaic system that supports hierarchies, social elitism and control.

Money and the lengths corporations, countries, religions and individuals go to obtain it, is at times appalling. We are desensitized to these lengths by a norm living in a

Dog eat dog world.

This has become a competition with one another for a higher standard of living, in the attempts to attain more within this competition, we ultimately lose sight of altruism and humanity

While it appears we have come far from cast systems, there are still hierarchies of superiority and inferiority that create separation and distinction between classes.
While more subtle, these structures are extremely evident in our culture.

Whether it be the brand of clothing one wears, to the type of car one drives, to the house one lives in, to the people one surrounds themselves with.
We brand one another and ourselves where we feel we fit in this hierarchical structure.

As humans, our need for love and acceptance is what drives us, and what is more conditioned to be accepted and sought after than

money?

the driving factor in our world has become attainment of a better life, and a better life is dictated by having more money.

Otherwise known as

climbing the social ladder.

With inflation rising, the standard of living keeps getting higher, and every human is relentlessly climbing.
or running,

in a circle,

like a hamster wheel……

This circle essentially becomes working to live,
living to work,
in what may or may not be one’s truth or dream.

Within our “freedom”, we all give our freedom away to money, attainment and a system that supports it.
Subordination to attainment, feeling that within attainment true satisfaction is met. Much more than consumerism this is a societal condition that is an absolute paradox, how can one truly live in this system freely?

With the middle class falling away, there is a bottom and top to this hierarchy.
The bottom much larger than the top.
At the bottom is poverty, a class that has been created around lack, one has to fight to survive, this class is looked down upon.
While at the top social elitism is looked up to, with a measure of success being gauged by how much money one makes.

Within our system, a societal perception is that people with money are superior.
Is that because these people have more of an ability to do what they desire, surrounded by luxury and educated in higher establishments?

Is that what everyone is climbing towards?

We are not given a choice about where, who or which hierarchy we are born into, in order to feel successful, why should we have to be continuously climbing?

What about one’s level of happiness and sense of purpose, why isn’t that a gauge for success, regardless of the amount of money that is made?

I want to pose these questions and state;

I don’t know what the answers are, for each person they will vary.

I just like to question,

EVERYTHING.

You may ask the question, why question everything?
I say to you, why not?

Progressive? yes…..
Progress is not made by being stagnant in any idea or mindset.

The government doesn’t have your truth, politics don’t have your truth, religion doesn’t have your truth, the media doesn’t have your truth, school doesn’t have your truth, your parents don’t have your truth.

Only you do, and only you know it.

It may be a collection of other truths, or it may be wholly unique, whatever it may be, honor it, listen to it

be it.

xo,

Nicole

Earth’s Cry

Posted in Collective Consciousness, Sustainability, WellnessTagged , , , , , , , 3 Comments

“Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children.

~ancient indian proverb

 

Let me tell you

a message I have been gifted……

While in the tropical islands, I had decided to go on a pilgrimage for a couple of hours. Walking through green, lush and flourishing jungle, with thick moist soil under my feet, the plants were living and breathing beside me. The smell was green and damp with the jungle’s spirit.
In the distance powerful surges could be felt by the ocean rolling its way onto the sands.

I was following a path where everything was tingling intensely with life. Birds were chirping their call, while fire ants were lining the path to collectively build their communities.
Quietly, a space of awe was created within me, becoming a part of this ecosystem.

I looked around me within such breathtaking beauty to see plastic bottles and garbage littering.

Collecting, accumulating, not decomposing.

In such natural wonders, I had to question why?

Why?

Why?

It brought up sadness within me, for what we are doing to our beautiful earth. After witnessing so much pollution, and the unconscious way that our earth is being dumped upon and taken from.

My eyes starting watering, tears dripping down into the dirt,
and then I heard loudly from

Earth

“If things continue to transpire this way, I will become nothing more than a ravaged wasteland.

I am giving you a warning:

Humanity will be forsaken, if you don’t learn to work with me,
do not underestimate my power to cleanse you and your destruction from me.

This is my cry for help to you, little one

Take my message through your weeping to all those who will heed and help.
There is not much time to undertake the undoing of what has been ruined.”

I call upon you humanity,

this is beyond crisis,

and world calamity,

this is us being a parasite upon which we are reliant.

Our waters are polluted with chemicals and sewage, making our oceans and freshwater lakes ruined.
Lands are strewn with plastic and inorganic material, leaving the earth more waste. Animals and wildlife are becoming extinct, the way we treat them is sometimes sickening.

Our air is tainted with the highest CO2 levels on record, that level is rising. Without regulations, people are sick in third world cities from the high levels of pollution in the air.

Deforestation.
Desertification

Heavy metal toxicity in our soil is preventing us from gaining proper nutrients in our food.

This list can go on and on, yet focusing on the problems will not solve them.

“Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.”
~ Albert Einstein

Whatever you believe in, the state of humanity and our Earth is in peril.

Corporations due to consumerism, are ravaging their marks upon our Earth.
While half as much is not being replanted, restored or recycled.

This is far beyond sustainability, its time for us to reclaim our earth for the future of humanity.

An old Native American adage says that

“Whatever is taken from the earth, is to be given back.”

And still I hear~

“It’s not my problem or issue”

If we keep taking that kind of stance, what kind of world will be left for our future generations?

There are soulutions, and ways to undo this.

With technology comes responsibility, the responsibility of educating properly.

If we are these powers, then let’s set an example for the world. It’s up to us first world countries to teach and implement new systems of cleaning the air, cleaning the water, and planting more trees ad foods, taking care of the earth and her creatures.

Living sustainably upon her.

Worldly, consciously, a reciprocal approach, for we are all students and teachers upon our Earth.

xo,

Nicole

 

Wish List for a New World

Posted in Collective Consciousness, Creative Musings, SustainabilityTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 7 Comments

A new paradigm is upon us,
old systems are falling while new growth is occurring,
within this global shift, a cycle is completing.

For thousands of years humanity has awakened, to the potential and consciousness that resides in each of us.

Yet the question remains.

What is the purpose of life?

And so

I say this to you, from the utmost space of love….

Wake Up!

🙂

Take the blinders off

With our technology that makes life more comfortable and easy, we have become products of a mass-marketed society.
One that places materialism and consumerism highly in our skewed priorities. I understand, I am a part of it.
It is not any one of us, it’s all of us, feeding this dinosaur of a system that is collapsing around us.

It is quite easy to be comfortable than to face what is going on within our world. It is much simpler to be distracted, than have to take part in something that makes us think of the whole. We have become complacent and blinded to what is going on outside of our borders.

We have so many lines of separation defining our nations, borders defining our world. Within these lines separating ourselves, we are losing sight of what it means to be a collective part of the human race.  Regardless of age, race, creed or gender; this is our race, our nation, our world, together.

It is up to us to create the change we wish to see for a new world and the future of humanity.

I hear spoken: “It’s not my responsibility what happens to others, they don’t know or understand, nor can they change.”

Have they been given the opportunity or knowledge to?

I would like to say:

ITS ALL OF OUR RESPONSIBILITY
While we are learning the collective meaning of sustainability, it’s going to take for us to step up with a new mentality.

Taking responsibility will create the change that is needed, so that our grandchildren are left with a world of beauty.

Together, with oneness, a wholeness I think

We DO have a say, so I say to you…..

Think and ask yourself why you think what you do.
Where does it come from?

Were you given a choice about what you were born into or believe in?

Are you free to be whatever you dream?

Are their limits within freedom, perhaps imposed by a system that is so ingrained within us that
we
think
we
are
free?

Our collective truth shall set us free.

It took us getting into this mess, it will take us collectively to get out of it.
Collective thought creates a new vision, to then create a plan of action, one that involves all earthlings.
We can focus on the atrocities and keep going around this merry-go-round, or we can focus on a new vision, creating from the dream that is collectively in our hearts and minds and spirits.

My idea is organizing people to go around the world and ask all the people.

What their idea of a better world would be?

Empowering every human in their own vision, thus compiling a wish list that includes everyone. From there we start taking action individually and collectively to carry out this vision.

It is not known yet how this will take place, but it will, I know it.

Once the ball is rolling, shifts unimaginable will take place, for a prosperous, healthy, happy human race.

Sound idealistic?
Let’s be realistic…….

What is your vision?
Your truth?
What is your idea for a better world?

Engage me, please

xo,

Nicole

The 100th monkey theory is relevant here, I do believe.

Since my traveling has for the time being has come to a halt I will be taking this in different directions than traveling

Movement

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Masters of our ceremonies,
make me dance,
make me move,
play the tune that my body sings to.
Music,
dance with me, speak to me,
until I can hardly breathe,
take all capacity of thought, emotion, and being,
until my being fills with you,

music

you are

my

muse.

MOVEMENT: Detroit’s Electronic Music Festival
A favorite of festivals, it brings in elements of Detroit’s energy, a grittiness and depth that can only be found in this city.
Our city….
of soul, dilapidation and creativity. Now a resurgence is happening and it’s so exciting.

 

Looking around, where thousands surround Detroit’s Hart Plaza. I am witness to the growth of what this movement has become since its start 12 years ago.

SONY DSC
There are 4 stages set up in the plaza, the speakers immense and encompassing, they vibrate sound powerfully.
Each stage holds its own micro-environment, bouncing from each, my ear tunes in to the music.

SONY DSC

This year, as I strolled down the stone steps to the massive stage set up in the center, my thoughts were of a disconnected nature.
In the past this scene was a huge part of my life, now a smaller piece of the whole of my existence.

“Will this do for me what it used to?”
I asked myself

“After all I have experienced, what does this mean to me now?”

Heavy, low bass rumbled through me, re-awakening my purpose within sound.
The air thick with rich, warm South American tones, reminiscent of where I traveled from.

 

SONY DSC
A musical healing, the vibrations touch on parts of me, becoming a dancing release.
My body was attached to the spot. As music and I remember one another as long-lost lovers. We meet and all that is spoken of is this intertwining love

Transporting me through space and time.

Boat

I was lead to incubation states of tranquility and centering in the Westin Book Cadillac hotel.
Here I cultivated familiar bonds I have made with people from all over the world, connecting through music.
I understand the musical groups I am drawn to have subtle ties to our roots.
Paxahau of Mayan origin literal meaning
Pax=power of music ; Ahau=cycle of time in Mayan calendar.

Movement is a primal instinct grounded within us, stemming back to the dawn of humanity. Our own dance rituals and sounds have evolved into something I know our ancestors would be proud of.

As I’m dancing on the grass, under the sunlight, a veteran in his army uniform strolls over.
“Your dancing makes me happy, seeing all of this love and peace reminds me that this is the freedom I fought for. Can you show me how to dance to this music?”
He asks

Feel it capitulate you
Move with it however you allow it to
An energetic exchange, infinity of ebb and flow.
A bridging of many worlds occurs,

music

is

universal

language

xo,

Nicole

 

SONY DSC
Burning Sage

 

Ayahuasca’s Seed

Posted in Adventure, Empowerment, TravelTagged , , 2 Comments

Ayahuasca found me, easily.

I knew that the best way to undertake this ceremony would be to go into the jungle, yet that was not to be along this journey.
My inner guidance told me.

“You will come back to the jungle, Nicole.”

Eating lightly the day before and refraining from anything such as caffeine, sugar, condiments or what the medicine does not like, I aptly prepared myself.

I asked the medicine the night before in meditation

“Show me what I need to see in order to more fully live my purpose, which I know to be illuminating myself, others and healing this earth.”

With a friend I had met, I will call him Pato, who was taking part in San Pedro, we departed with the shaman, for our ceremony.

Arriving in this young shaman’s house with his wife, there were animal skins and masks hanging on the walls.

With Pato translating,
“You are so young” we spoke to him.

He replied
“Its better to have a young shaman, sometimes the older ones have taken on many negative energies. There are so many false shamans here for the tourists, who do not understand the medicine. My family is from the jungle, the knowledge of the medicine been passed down our lineage within my tribe for generations.”
He continued
“Most of what you will see, will be an internal journey, this medicine is not so much about the shaman, as it is about your inward learning.”

Ayahuasca Vine and San Pedro Cactus

I drank a small amount of the dark, syrupy, bitter liquid, gagging a bit as it went down.

Breathe.

Ahhhhhh

Awakening itself within me, the medicine was feeling warm and tingly.

Ceremony Tools

The shaman spoke to me,
“We believe this medicine pulls up everything no longer needed in your body; physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally
As it pulls it up, you will become sick,
throw it up.”
As he was speaking this, I could feel a churning in my stomach.
Vomiting is an essential part of this, I felt better immediately.

After he and his wife cleared us with sounds, feathers and tools, he lit a fire in the middle of the room, with the sacred, purifying Palo Santo wood.
He told us to stand and individually jump over this fire 7 times for purification.

The fire was growing and I jumped 7 times, in my altered state, fire licking up to my thighs, I wondered if it was going to eat me alive.

Afterwards I sat with him and he handed me something.

“Young shaman, I am giving you this sacred seed from the jungle, this is given to shaman initiates, you will not find this seed anywhere else in the world.
When you are ready, come to the amazon to study the plant medicine and Shamanism”

Starting the development of my healing abilities years ago, a new initiation was placed in front of me, one that when cultivated will grow into a beautiful tree of being. This is not something that can be learned in a classrom setting, this is intrinsic abilities continuing their evolution.

He spoke to me
“Wear this seed and it will keep you balanced, for you are a karma eater”
I have known this to be true since since I was younger, being empathic, I take on energies from others and release them.

Sitting eyes closed with my seed, the medicine started speaking to me…

“Don’t settle for anything less than what you have come into, my dear.
You have overcome many obstacles in your life, including yourself, and if that is not respected and honored by those surrounding you, surround yourself with only those that do. Give love and focus on you many types of friends, communities, families and loved ones for they will always support you.

Don’t be surprised if people and ideas that are no longer encouraging and supporting your highest purpose fall out of your life, it is no longer for you on your path.

No one but you knows how to achieve your truth, how to live your life, everyone else’s ideas are part of their reality. Create from your knowing, that my dear is true self-sovereignty.

You may play out patterns of who you are no longer, hold fast to the visions you have been given and create from the knowing of your greater purpose. This seed you have been gifted represents your transformation, plant it within your heart, mind and spirit to grow from powerfully.

Push through what ANYONE thinks of you and be unstoppable in your purpose, no need to justify to anyone, be your own resolve .
Share yourself more and strip away all the layers that are blocking you from seeing, it is only you who have been blinded to your true being.

Move forward, even when you want to give up, the challenges are what refine your character, be that center of strength, against all conformity.
Do what you know to be right, against any conditioned mindset.

Know that your are a bright light, even if its not always seen, right and wrong are irrelevant, perception is everything.
Move through the toughest obstacles,
for you will achieve your highest dream,

which is part of the collective dream.”

 

 

xo,
Nicole

Ayahuasca’s Femininity

I sing to you, Sacred Macchu Picchu

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Following my map I had to forego a few stops, time was running out. The search was on. I came so far, my treasure had to be found.

Arriving in Cusco, a beautiful city set in the mountains, I had two distinctive goals.
Upon arrival I had 3 days to achieve:
My purpose = ayahuasca,
My dream = Macchu Picchu, a place I had been envisioning since I was 13.

As I said in a prior post, my funds were running low, so the attainment of these goals was questionable.
How can this all occur, I asked myself?

It will, I know it

I listened for the quickening and was unsure if anything would happen. Then like a rainfall, it poured down on me at once, my dream coming to reality in a tour, manifested easily.

To the Incan Sacred Valley and Macchu Picchu

These lands called to me, and I heeded..

Walking through the Sacred Valley, one forgets about modern existence and technology. Primal memories are invoked, lodged within the evolution of our DNA. These lands sacred, the air feels ancient, succumbing to the power of this world, one that becomes nameless, timeless, placeless

existence

I envision what this must have been, with an extinct people living amongst this.
Places built with expert stoneman-ship, structures that defy the times.

Pisac, a city built upon the ruins of an ancient city.

Across is the mountain that Callpa had explained and drawn out for me.

More within the mountains

Taking the train to Aquas Calientes, a tranquil city by the river, I awoke at 2 am to get on the bus to be one of the 400 to be able to hike up Wayna Picchu.
I was the first person in line, all of us in excited anticipation, the bus ride up felt like a field trip at 5 am.

Walking up the entrance as the sun was rising, the air takes on a different tone, a stillness enveloping everything.
Coming through the clearing, it is beyond expression.
The ancient structures becoming one with the mountain, together creating
Macchu Picchu, smelling ancient and sweet, breath blowing through my being.

IMG_2007
Whispering to me the sacredness was calming, vibrating with an energy never before experienced.

IMG_2020

Speaking of transcendence and mystery.

Walking these ruins, I spiraled into their pulsating embrace

This place is magical,
awe-struck reverance, for an era of ancient people and ritual.

How were you created? I asked this place.

It whispered back

“With time and effort and untold secrets”

Hidden places, secret spaces

Looking across the mountain to a blue mist rising. Life energy of orgone circling through and around me. I had known that this place was one of the highest energetic places on earth, no description can capture that meaning.

The river flowing down below, I find myself remembering,

Ancient memories of being on a boat, traveling these mountains, in search of something.
What is this that I am feeling, I almost remember it clearly.

The Incan energy speaks to me.

“These lands are protected by our ancestors.
Remember,
remember our presence,
the place,
don’t let our history and lands be forsaken,
amongst what has become your human race.”

Tranquility came over me, keeping me in a quiet stillness.

Incans, I understand your connection, and will revere your message, doing my part in
my larger purpose

Making the hike up wayna picchu, the mountain overlooking Macchu Picchu,

The smell of fresh, cold stone permeating, alive with green moss, along this magical path.
Climbing higher and higher, reaching the top to another structural masterpiece, inlaid with ancient ruins even closer to the heavens.

Memories again surfacing of walking this path before,
a woman guiding me up the stone stairs,
leading me to my home and family.

Speak to me, speak to me

Living, breathing, circulating
My heart exploding with the surges of your energy,
what are these visions?
what is this that I am feeling?
something lain dormant awakened within me.

Within these ruins lies forest and jungle, climbing through I found my space for meditating.

Giving gratitude for something beyond description, beyond my life and being, beyond civilization,
beyond a calling,
beyond imagination,
a oneness within creation.

Do I have to leave?

I desire to sleep under the stars and frolic amongst the sun and moon temple, dancing with the life force that lights up this place day and night.
Sing to me, sing to me,
my spirit is alive with your ancient energy.

xo,
Nicole

 

Oasis between Purpose and Dream

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Lead into the dry desert, white sand dunes as far as the eye could see. Hot, slow and hazy, time floats by lazily.

Within the Peruvian desert one comes upon Haucachina, a small village, surrounding an oasis. It’s not an apparition, instead it’s nourishing, promising and inviting. With palm trees glistening amongst the blue-green lagoon.

Laying by the pool with the sand dunes in sight, I thought to myself, in the heart of what seems harsh and fierce, there is promise and life. Like an artichoke, peeling away the layers to find this heart, once there it becomes self-sustaining.

Sand-boarding and boogying down the dunes, I felt like I was flying, the sunset in this landscape was breathtaking…


I traveled by bus from Haucachina to Arequipa. The old Baroque architecture set against the snow-capped Andes was beyond gorgeous.

Passing on the guided 2d/1n tour, I decided to undertake this specific hike alone, having heard it was easily do-able.
Heading deep into the Andes, I departed the bus at Cobanaconde at 3:30 pm, with a determined mindset.
Enthusiastically, I told myself

“I have to get my nature fix going and want to try it alone. I am going trekking down this mountain…to the oasis that lies at the bottom.”
I stopped inside a store to get my aqua and placed it in my 30 pound backpack. I was informed by the lovely lady at the store that it took 2 hours to get down.

“Solo?” The senorita asked, with a confused look
“Si” I answered back, innocently

I was left in the dark on any more info about it.

Excitedly venturing into the unknown, I told myself

“I know I can do this”
As I was heading down, others were coming up looking at me rather, um, curiously.

I was keeping a vigil on the sun as it was dipping lower, trekking down the rocky, dry desert mountain. I could see the oasis down at the bottom, a speck of blue…

Far, Far, Far from where I was.

“Ok, it’s alright, keep going, there is nowhere but down from here” I told myself. “My intuition directed this and I listened. I take full responsibility for what I create.”

Zigzagging down the steepest hike I have ever done, I kept thinking to “This is a test, of what I am unsure, but I will pass.”
I was half way down when the sun started setting behind the mountains.
“No panicking”
I told myself,
“I know I have been steered correctly.
Please, please, please let there be enough light to make my way down.”

I kept going.

and going..

and going…

It was getting darker, the oasis far, far away was no longer in my sight.
Twilight was fading, I was alone on the mountain.
I thought to myself “Should I just sleep here for the night.”

“No keep going” I felt in my heart.

I brought out my headlamp that was flickering and with a sense of fear-laced knowing, I kept going. I started stumbling in my footing.
“Holy shit, what am I doing, why am I doing this?
Am I an idiot?
Am I going to die here on this mountain?”

I sat down and started crying, second guessing every decision I have made, if I can’t rely on my guidance what can I rely upon?
I saw eyes of an animal looking at me as I turned my head. Coyotes howling, I cried out,
“OH MY GOD, help me!”

And from there I don’t remember a thing. As if some force came over me.
All of a sudden I was walking through the lushly planted trees.

Miraculously, I was at the oasis, so far from where I had been.
I heard voices and saw people eating. Tears came again to my eyes, this time in gratitude and disbelief.

I thought
I can’t believe I just did that, this was a test.
A test of perseverance and dedication.

I learned that even in the darkest of dark, there will be a light, always guiding.

As for the Oasis, it was electricity free with darkness obscuring the view, I awoke in the morning to see stunning beauty. Everyone else staying left at 5 in the morning, lucky me I had the place all to my adventuring. I enjoyed the day by basking in the beauty of where I was. I swam lazily in the mountain water pool that was emptied and filled daily.

Down in Colca Canyon, Sangalle Oasis was a dream. The mountains, massive beyond belief, were living and breathing with a flowing river in between.

Afterwards, I was duly informed that Colca Canyon is the second largest canyon in the world. It is twice the size of the Grand Canyon, two people died doing what I did recently.

Solo
!?!???!?!!!

SI!

The hike back up was just as trying, there were 3 others with me, one Scot and 2 Brits.
We became one another’s saving grace. Russ I had already met on the bus and the four of us made our way up. It was more difficult than anything I have physically undertaken, the desert sun was hot, the 30 pound bag I was carrying started to feel heavier and heavier.
This was no joke.
We were all hurting. It took 3 hours of stopping for water, trying to make it before it got dark. Half way up I couldn’t see the end, looking up at the looming mountain, it seemed impossibly daunting.
And I again reinforced within…

Keep going, keep going, take responsibility for what you create.

My faith in myself and my ability was tested enormously.

Sometimes, the road may feel like one can’t go any further, in a perilous place, and perhaps foolish, this is when an epiphany occurs.

The understanding was that I was always taken care of as long as I ask. There is always an oasis to surrender into, if I don’t go for it, I won’t ever find it.

Legendary and by far the most physical exertion I have ever undertaken. One that became an internal test, strengthening me in my ability, restructuring a belief system that used to be based on insufficiency..

I now know I can undertake

anything.

xo,
Nicole

Peru

Posted in TravelTagged , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

From city to city connections were made.
An avenue opened up every place I went, with knowledge and inspiration imparted in some way. I found myself being pushed forward by an unseen force, with my internal guiding source.
In Panama City, I was drawn to the jungle for what I could not draw energy from within a city. Plants giving a life-sustaining force that I can only get high from in lushness of the green.
I was dropped off into a park, knowing that I would find a way out, not sure what way it would be. After taking my time and connecting to where I was, I resurfaced from the jungle.
It was getting late with no taxis in sight.
30 minutes from the city

I heard my heart tell me.

Be patient.

Patient I was, as I was about to start panicking, a man I had passed came strolling out of the pathway.
My heart told me to connect with him, so I told him my dilemma.

Would you like a ride to a phone? he asked

I felt only positive intentions.

Yes, I would

It’s fascinating that one chance meeting can alter the course of the rest of life. Connections and interactions that are seemingly random happen to be no coincidence at all.

This encounter turned into friendship, trust and appreciation. We were lead down rabbit holes of discussion, hours of disclosing life, liberty and the pursuit. Reaffirming that like attracts like, both of us pleasantly surprised with the spontaneity of mutual admiration.
same, same but different.

Peter, a graphic designer whose hand will be playing into my blog quite soon, introduced me to his friend living in Panama City, who on worldly levels is creating positive change, working for the UN.

like a sting of lights,
illuminating incredible people.
This introduction
connected me to

Callpa

in

Lima, Peru.

I was utterly alone in this city, and felt the sting of doubt entering my veins, until I was unsure of everything.
Doubt is an an evil archnemisis to creating, as it was seeping in, I felt my bubbles of dreams popping right in front of me.

ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

If I can’t believe in my dreams, no one will do it for me.
With that I took all I could muster, and pushed myself back into knowing, the cornerstone for creating.
I will do this, I told myself, reminding me of my purpose.
As I shifted myself into perspective and motivation, a wave of relief came over me.

Soon after, a light appeared in my life,
this connection from Panama city.

We met at a coffee shop, he said to me.
“I can help you explore my country, come to my house and I will draw you out a map, what you are seeking can be found. I will help you achieve your dreams”

Trusting my heart, I went with him to his house.
Walking into his family’s beautiful Peruvian home, open-aired and exquisite, I felt a connection to the culture and family that lived within the walls.

Callpa and I sat for hours, connecting and elaborating on this undertaking.

again Illuminating my journey
Your last name is Luna?
I asked him unbelievably

What does Callpa mean?

“It is Incan” he told me
“Representing times after chaos coming back to the earth
not a line, but rather a circle.”

I understood, and spoke to him

“I know It is my purpose to help create this change in the world
After seeing what I have viewed, something has to be shifted drastically, we are ignorantly putting things first that don’t need to be. Our values askew, we turn blind eyes to what needs to be seen.

I see destruction ravaging this world.

How can something so beautiful, be destroyed so absently?

It hurts my heart! ”

I lamented to him.

He told me a story

“My people lived on these lands, and while they may seem simple, they understood them. There is a sacred mountain that you will visit, I would like you to know about.
The face of an Incan was carved into this mountain, when the Spanish came conquering and converting, dispelling the Incans belief system, they asked them.

“Where is your god, you can’t see him?!”

the Incans would point up to the mountain.
“Right there”

The spaniards laughing
“That is just a carving of stone!”

On the winter solstice, the sun would light up the face

“There is our god” pointing at the shadow looming over the valley.”

A representation of a belief system, that was irreverently destroyed.

Callpa adequately prepared me for my journey, helping me with what was needed….
I set off with my treasure map, knowledge of lands, and heart as my compass.

Trust is an intrinsic feeling, and beyond all the fear and worry conditions, in a foreign country, I have learned to trust my inner feelings.
I opened to trust, and created amazing friendships, the only expectations were guidance and connection.

Thank you for the amazing illumination, support and encouragement for my dream.

xo,
Nicole

Thank you Callpa for all of your guidance, hospitality and generosity.

Thank you also to Renatio for the ride and tour of Lima : )

Ayahuasca’s Femininity

Posted in Creative Musings, Empowerment, TravelTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

You came beckoning to me in my dreams, I could feel your pull to come sip amongst your knowledge yet again.
Speaking in your powerful way, you said to me….

“Come find me, I will lead you to where you need to be, the right Shaman you will be guided to as I transform you.
Purifying you mind and spirit, I am a tool, one when used with the right intention will propel you forward.
Speak to me before you take part, everything will be drawn to you, if it is found easily it is meant to be”

Ayahuasca, a drink that is made from the vines of the amazon, powerful plant medicine, that shifts one into new dimensions within self. It is more feminine in nature and relates to the earth goddess. The traditions of this ceremony date back centuries, usually facilitated by a shaman. One drinks this as an undertaking that comes with reverence for the power of the medicine.

This is an absolute surrendering to whatever the medicine wishes to impart in one’s being, pulling up negativity and shadows to be viewed, and purged.
There can be deaths of self, and viewings beyond what the conscious mind can grasp, understanding of what lies underneath all the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
mind chatter.

meditating

Peru,

I heard whispered in my ear,

Peru is where you will find me.

The energies of these ancient lands were calling me

Come to me, come to me.

I set the intention, the power of the mind being my one true religion. The visions I could taste and smell. These visions carried with them a weight beyond proportions of what I was grasping.

In them,

untethered by conditions and patterns of my world and society, even more sovereign in myself

I spoke back to her

Show me how to get to you…..

I will begin with the end, back to the feminine.
Callpa, a person, also representing
a circle, starting and ending in the same place.
a cycle complete
Death = Transformation

Within the being feminine the masculine action is born.
Action comes from being, being causes action.

My last and final resolve, owning my body and femininity.

Excursions of action and asserting my masculine, death of self experiences, with elements harsh, I am still processing the teachings.

Unbelievable.

Testing ever ounce and fiber of my being with
not giving up or in,
no matter what I am faced with.

Now

A softness occurs.
In this softness a nurturance of what I have undertaken.

A vacation away from an excursion,
back now in Bocas, circling, this time with renewed purpose, in that
I am
owning

who I am

With a superb teacher for this.

My aunts have been amazing forces in my life, guiding me with their knowledge, passion and strength.
I am being guided yet again, for the final teaching along this journey, by Laura, owner of Bocas Yoga. An independent, graceful, confident woman, she has become a soul-aunt, I am blissfully inspired. Staying in the guest room attached to the studio, a dream- space is giving rise to the cultivation of what I have acquired.
cozy room

Laura is Anusara Yoga inspired, living Shri,
universal principles of seeing beauty first.

I came here after mention of a photo shoot.
That photo shoot turned into an uncloaking of beauty so as to learn to share myself with the world.
Cultivating my beauty with grace and no longer giving a fuck what anybody thinks.

Fully owning, integrating and being proud of who I’ve become

“Shine your beauty out” I heard in one of the amazing yoga classes

Thinking,
How overly critical I can be of myself at times, expecting a perfection that is hard to meet, an over-worn, conditioned belief that my beauty and sexiness can only be had if I am over five foot three, a super-model or slutty.

After what I have faced and created, it is time to get rid of that bs and implement me, and MY BEAUTY into my being.
Re-patterning reservations from a brainwashed and objectified society.

I don’t need to be a c cup to feel beautiful.  Although it feels fun to have 😉
I don’t need to dress in Prada to know I am beautiful.
I don’t need to wear makeup everywhere to look beautiful.

My beauty isn’t what I look like, how I dress, what I drive, where I am or with who, those are all extensions of what is within.
My beauty cannot be found outside of myself, it is an inward state emanating out, it’s my light and my ability to radiate to all who are in my presence.
True beauty is the ability to love myself, own myself and be confident in how I represent myself to the world.
Trying to look perfect is a state of insecurity, my imperfections give rise to the greatest beauty of all

Uniqueness.

Extraordinary idiosyncrasies that are mine to claim.

It’s about intention, if I think I am beautiful, and radiate that with grace and action, to me that is truly living my beauty.

New-found Beauty has come with action, the action of integrity in

following
my
purpose and
dreams

unstoppably

xo,

Nicole

to be continued…..

Somebody, anybody, everybody and nobody in Colombia

Posted in TravelTagged , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Follow the signs, the signs will be your guide.
Listen for the quickening to know when to take action,
Like a puzzle the patterns will emerge,
all things falling into place as they should.

Lesson learned:
Knowing

In knowing creation takes place.

The night before I left Panama City, Sheena and I were sitting in our room having an intense conversation, looking over we saw a huge scorpion covertly making its way across our stone wall.
Sinewy and intense
“What does that represent?”

“Transformation”

I left on a chicken bus with 3 other Americanos from Panama City to Portobello, where we sailed onward from a picturesque bay.

I was synchronistically guided into this experience, after stating that I desired to sail to Colombia.
I dropped my key on the ground of the balcony at Luna’s Castle, while retrieving it, I was asked by a man with a strong english accent
“Would you like to sail to colombia?”
I would, but with different stipulations then paying 450. So, I became the cook, and made all members of the boat my guinea pigs for my cooking.
there were 5 of us on board, 3 americans, the captain, and I, chef Nicole.
We swam, ate, cooked, sailed and jammed out to 60’s, 70’s and 80’s along this 5 day journey, my first experience sailing.
I thought to myself,
here I am, on a ship in the Caribbean, sailing to Colombia.
I almost can’t believe it, along with others prompting and guiding, this has been on accord of co-creating with my inner knowing.

253722_1732472153255_7279942_nLuna, luna, luna has been my shining light, the signs illuminated with its essence

This passage was light up by the light of the moon, in my goddess compartment at the front of the boat. I slept under the pale, brightness as we made our way across the vast ocean. Nothing in view but the endless 2 mile deep waves that crashed against the boat, lulling everyone on board into a wavering trance-like state.
I sat under this light one night, from horizon to horizon nothing but the ocean, I contemplated the smallness of my existence.
Becoming one with what is.
Going within my own watery depths, it became internalizing and refining time for what lay ahead. Diving into my feminine, more passive and emotionally observant realms.

The moon brought up powerful surges of realization and a new capacity for understanding.
Sitting under it, the ocean sparkling with its light. The swells and waves rolling me side to side, fierce and calming

It made me think of all who have traversed across these seas.

the ocean an entity in and of itself, spoke to me

“So you think you know who you are?
Along this perilous passage, prepare yourself for your greatest adversary

Yourself

I will help you question the very nature of your existence, passion and purpose.
When you look upon me I suck you in deeply, emulate my waveform in your movements, crescending and flowing with life.
Fight me futily, for I will swallow you whole.
And under the moonlight, as you gaze upon me, make no mistake your roots were birthed within me.”

San Blas

222280_1707000396477_5099160_nSan Blas islands were unimaginable, 200 of them, paradise taken to a whole new level.
I kept asking myself, “Am I really here?”
Swimming from the boat to the islands in the clear blue water, time and place stand still.
With the rising and falling sun, days into nights into days, a tranquil, surreal existence becomes the norm.
After two days of not stop swells and waves rolling one side to side while
Sailing, sailing, sailing away.
we arrived in

Cartagena, Colombia

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Reminiscent of times past, Cartagena is a gorgeous city with an ancient wall surrounding it, like a fortress protecting the jewel within.
Once inside the old, intimidating walls, the heart of the city lies. One walks in and feels transported into another era, with merchants and fruit carts selling fresh tropical fruits, jewelry, bags, and trinkets of sorts. The smell of sweet bread wafting out of the panaderia invites one in to try the gooey, sweet goodness.
Dancers and drummers perform in the city center, traditional movements speak of fire, passion and energy. Invoking primal memories.
The architecture resembles old European cities, similar to Casco Viejo, but larger, cleaner and more activity.
Out of all the places I have visited I would choose to reside in this city permanently, there is a sense of culture here that is unparalleled from anywhere I have visited.
It is colorful, vibrant and alive with excitement, and colombian passion.

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Media Luna was where I was lead to stay (yes, luna again), it was a clean stucco, white spanish style structure, with a pool in the center, surrounded by palm trees and balconies.
It was social time in Cartagena, playing with friends I met in Panama City, others being newbies.
All of whom imparted their unique presence and gifts of self, fun, information, love and happiness. Laughing, light-filled nights and days within this treasured city.
I listened to music on the river, ate at morphing places that went from Colombian by day, and Indian by night.
Went out Colombian style with all the color and passion of this amazing South American city.

And I debated, should I stay or should I go?
My funds have been dipping low, and this is where I have had to know.
I am almost to my goal, my dream, and do I give up and turn away?
No
My sought treasure will be found. Some how, some way, everything will work out perfectly, abundantly and joyously.
In that I have to trust in the invisible and not let anything deter me from my course.

And so, I am where I have set my heart to be since I was 13, and it hasn’t been the easiest route.
Traveling alone has proved to be one of the most rewarding experiences, although at times it scares the hell out of me.
Arriving in this city (it’s a secret), I had an existential breakdown, questioning
Why am I here?
What am I doing?
In those breakdowns an epiphany occurred, reinforcing my purpose, keeping my eye on my treasure.
All I keep hearing in my head is
Let go and KNOW
Know?
And I remember, my heart will always guide me correctly.

 

I realized walking into a yoga class that I would not understand what was being spoken and would have to follow along. I have had to surrender to being a foreigner, at times feeling perpetually blindsided in a foreign city not knowing a single person (until now).
The ego takes quite a good beating in such a state of being.
I like it, it’s humbling.

“Let go of thinking that the world revolves around your expectant American way Nicole, and learn how to revolve around the world.”
I said to myself.

For I am somebody, anybody, everybody and nobody.

xo,
Nicole