Author: Nicole Ciccarelli

I speak my truth through means of this artistic expression. I write with the intention of bringing thought-provoking musings through profound soul-searching and questions. A lifestyle site with topics ranging from travel, anecdotal thoughts, health, meditation, yoga, economics, environment and esoteric teachings.

Ciao for now, onward to Panama City

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As it ends, so it begins

ever anew, better and better.

In search of a treasure.
A gift of unfounded beauty, a discovery within an awakening, soul diving and seeking for the essence of which becomes

self……..

A 10 hour ride through the night from Bocas Del Toro, to Panama City.
The bus ride out here was quite the trip.

After stopping twice and already transferring buses, we were stopped a 3rd time by immigration.
Walking onto our bus and asking something in spanish. We were informed they were calling a ticket number, for the luggage underneath.
Siete was all I heard called out, looking at my ticket, 1117, they were saying my number.
The only one called.
Uh oh, I thought to myself, did they happen to see one of my many different bags of white powder that I bring with me in my apothecary?
No, not anything illegal, rather, my baking soda, sea salt and borax that I use in my different concoctions for alkalinizing, which I am sure could be looked at rather….. suspiciously.
Singled out, I walk down the bus with a questioning grin on my face,
Down the stairs, over to three immigration officers looking in the luggage compartment.
“Is this your bag” they ask about my out-of-place, italiana, shiny, faux crocodile skin bag.
“yes” I said, with a smile on my face.
The officer looking at me, pulls the bag out and asks to open it.
“how old are you?” he asks
“twenty-eight” I said
“what are you doing here?”
“I am traveling and writing” I said to him
As he is asking this, he is holding my lacy, pink and black underwear in his hand, up for me and the other officers to see, with a slight grin on his face.
I am trying to hold in my giggles.
“how old are you” he asks again.
“twenty-eight” I said again
“are you a soldier?” he asks
“a what?” I ask him, unclear if I heard that correctly
“are you a soldier” he asks again.
I look at him to see if he is serious, then look at my girly bag, and underwear in his hand.
again trying not to laugh
“no, I am a writer” I say to him.

“Ok, have a good night, enjoy your trip”
he says to me, no longer hiding his full grin.

I walked back up, laughter escaping, everyone on the bus looking at me with curious faces, wondering what just transpired down there.

My segue way to Panama city began.

Panama city, Panama city, you boast of contrast and a somewhat thriving economy.

Staying at Luna’s Castle, it has been my first experience in a hostel.
Stepping out on the veranda, to view Casco Viejo, a part of town that models old, quaint european cities. Across the sailboat dotted bay, modern high rise buildings and structures make up the city.
An artistic, open, worldly vibe at Luna’s.
Within this place unique art and design is displayed, comfortable and busy, it all makes for a quirky party.
The club Relic is underneath, with the old stone,structure of the city, light up by dim lanterns, one feels transported into a different time period. Within the lush courtyard, it becomes a connecting with Americans, Europeans, Israelis, friends from down under and all over. Incredible friendships were formed.
The staff here is young and inviting, with a hip, cultural sense.
Amore to Luna’s Castle, you are the best place to stay affordably in the city, and have provided entertainment, fun and accommodations.
I will refer you to anybody traveling to Panama City.

I had been missing my souls beat (music) and wanted to dance, dance, dance in the city.
My intentions were set, and so out I went.
In search of the music, listening lead us to it.
On a rooftop, with the city skyline light up all around, it reminded me of Miami sprinkled with some New York central american style, an all together distinct flavor.
There were new sounds to my attentive ears. Overlaying latin drums and kicks, with a familiar bass and beat, I felt the sensuality come through the speakers, the sounds energizing and rich.

Meeting the architect of my favorite structure here, the owner of the club giving us whatever we needed.
We were royally shown a taste of the city.
Pure clubs, pure feelings, pure dancing in ways that were new to me, with panamanian energy.
I felt as though I was yet again, in heaven.

Always interesting to observe any group,
a part of human nature, I understand that….

Groups are quite the same.

Different people, of course, yet similar hierarchies.

“who’s who” means little to me,
how one treats people is much more important,
from special people, I was treated

with honor, like a queen…

thank you ; )

After being here for a week, I shall be sailing away to islands, to Colombia onward to the jungle, in search of a treasure (aya). I perceive that my journeys will lead me to it and transformation will take place on deep, deep levels.
Knowing that it is time to journey alone.
I am off.

A part of this for me, is separating myself from all of my normal reality, I will not be posting the next two weeks .

I will be back with what has become of all.

xo,
Nicole

Own The Goddess Within

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After witnessing some hackling here in Panama City while I was walking down the street. I was feeling rather uncomfortable with the ways I was being whistled and hollered at. I remembered how prevalent prostitution was here, and how little respect women are given. It brought up some pondering around the idea of respect and boundaries and self-love.

There was once upon a time, a long, long time ago, when us women supported one another. Perhaps it’s time to unite and become the community of support that is needed from each other and our male counterparts. We are all products of a world that undermines the power of sexuality and the inner awareness and realms, especially being females. Grace and honor have become a lost art in the feminine form, especially our society. What is looked up to, portrayed through the media and our conditioning are cardboard cutouts masking as beautiful or sexy. Sexiness and beauty are far more than superficial looks. From the media and religions to popular opinion, we are given diametrically opposite views, neither of them healthy. No wonder we are so confused.

What would it look like to step back into that and honor the sacred feminine?
Relationships with one another transformed into nurturing, encouraging and supportive spaces. Through understanding that we are the backbone of our world, therefore it’s up to us to make that backbone strong, having integrity with how we treat ourselves and one another.

Male-Female-Balance

Being in our essence is our most beautiful expression. Unlike what we are lead to believe, it is not only a surface experience. When the inner is polished the light and beauty will naturally exude.

It’s important for us to set boundaries for self and stop being martyrs for inner happiness, sacrificing in the name of others. We worry and wonder why we can’t make our men happy. Guys are looking for love and appreciation as are we. It’s just a different manner than ours. No need to worry, just be and let your radiance, mind and inner light speak for you. Give love without the aim to please and concede, allow it to be from the deep self love that shines from within, relinquishing the martyrdom and cost of oneself. Naturally your life and people around you will be happy to see you shining, and if they don’t they’re not worthy to be in your close circle.

If you don’t fully love yourself, step away from a relationship until you do. Become strong in your resolve, find out what makes you happy, what makes you tick, independently become the power source for yourself.

Pitch all behavior that demeans you.
If the person you are with is not honoring, appreciating or allowing your powerful presence to shine forth,
Then dump him (or her), you deserve better.

If your actions are those that would hurt another and you have to hide it, is it really something that should be done?

Is it worth it?

Who cares about the stuff and fluff if you aren’t being treated right?

Who cares about the talk and dreams if you aren’t being loved properly?

If there are friends who don’t respect you, don’t encourage your highest, don’t promote your growth, don’t have your back, perhaps get jealous and retaliate are they truly friends?

goddess

Take a stand in your life for what you deserve.

And if no one has ever told you this, I will.

You are beautiful, you are amazing, you deserve nothing but the most exquisite in life. You can do anything you put your mind to, it is within you to be the most radiant you can be.

Speak your truth, be present to yourself and emanate your radiance.
Allow yourself to be treated like the Goddess you are, uphold yourself with grace, honor and respect, knowing that you deserve nothing less.

When we we have integrity with who we are, how we treat ourselves and one another,  upholding standards of how we deserve to be treated in relationships, we will set new standards that will be met by our guys.
We are the yin to their yang, once we make the shift, they will naturally evolve along with us.

 

I will post shortly about my amazing adventures here in Panama City.

xo,
Nicole

Bocas del Toro

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After leaving Costa Rica, I arrived in Bocas Del Toro, an archipelago of Panama,

Stepping foot onto this island, we were ushered into a tour office by Homer.
Homer took pride in being our guide and appeared to pop up whenever we needed him, carrying our bags, getting us taxis, leading us into adventures we were meant for.

Upon arriving in this same office, a picture on the wall caught my eye. One I remembered clearly, having seen it before.
This surreal photo was a brightly colored picture of Bali huts on clear, teal water, surrounded by the tropics.
Racking my brain for where I KNEW that picture, it came to me.
A dream board I had created a year ago.
Amazed, I had forgot I even made it. I was shown yet again how powerful the mind is.
I feel like living proof of the law of attraction, cheesily reminding me of “The Secret”.
Yet what seems to evade this book on the depths of attracting, are attracting from a space of doing what is for the highest of self and humanity.
Which is where I always intend to attract from.

 

My conclusion:
It’s the experiences and people who aren’t dreamt up, rather unexpected, that are just as extraordinary.
It’s about the journey as much as the destination.

I tend to shy away from the touristy approach, this time I embraced my heart’s wishes, and decided to go on the suggested tour.
Making our way to dolphin bay on the small water taxi,
hearing the engine put, put, put.
Then silence……. we were stalled in the water.
looking around there was nothing in sight but land, far away.

Really???
Was all I could ask
Uncontrollably giggling at these crazy twists and turns,
.
After 30 minutes of other tour boats coming over and laughing along with us, our rescue boat arrived and transferred us over to a new boat.

Wind blowing and whipping around us, the sun lighting everything up. We were finally taken to dolphin bay.
Intelligent and ever so graceful, these mammals are a sight to behold with their slick, shiny gray skin. As they were frolicking and following our boats around, it helped me to understand their message of breaking out of the adult box.

“Liberate yourself.
Be light, have fun and laugh with life, entertain the innocence and fun of your inner child.”

From there were taken to a restaurant on the water, where I ordered fresh fish, rice and plantain, that was prepared while we snorkeled.
Swimming within the coral, canvas shapes and figures like Fibonacci sequences, spirals, brain shapes, bright yellow, pink, and green coral were rising up to meet me. I was left mesmerized as the water captured the sunlight in a colorful, hypnotic display amongst the varying hues.

A dazzling allure.
Representing universal symbols prevalent in all of life.

After eating the delicious meal, we were taken to Red Frog beach.
I was expecting your average beach, a lot of people, stuff and hot dogs everywhere.

Instead, I was stunned when we walked through the trees to the most pristine beach I have ever seen.
The clear aquamarine ocean was softly rolling onto the white sandy beaches.
With uninhabited islands in view and the lush jungle encompassing. I was lulled into a romantic, soft and dreamy state of being. I blissfully fell even more in love with life.

I was beckoned into the jungle’s splendor.
Thriving junglicious life seemed to be murmuring and speaking to me through the leaves and trees.
Surreptitiously finding my way over to the off-limits, I ventured in.
Climbing up the mountain, the huge trees provided me with vines and ropes that I was grabbing and swinging on. Like a little pixie, getting my sundress dirty, I knew the jungle would take care of me.

Once up, I climbed precariously on a fallen tree for an unobstructed view of the ocean. Afterwards, meditating within the roots of a giant tree, ocean view and life surrounding me.

This was the essence I was seeking.
Life couldn’t have been more perfect in that moment.
Sacred, grounding time within nature, reminding me.

I am a part of it.

Total price of tour
20 Dollars.

Yoga, baby.
My body had been craving the stretching, twisting, release.
After putting my intentions out there to take a class an hour later a woman, Laura, walked by with a yoga mandala on her shirt.
Questioning her about it, she told Sheena and I to come by and check out her studio
Bocas Yoga.
The studio was a cute purple house, that felt warm and high vibrational, creating a comforting, strong space.
In all my yoga experience, this class was by far the best Hatha flow I have ever taken. Laura was a sensational instructor, guiding us into poses expertly with a nurturance to challenge ourselves.
I had my yogic release, things surfaced and were worked out of me, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I will be coming back there, indeed.
total price of class.
5.00

Bocas, you will be missed and I shall be back

xo,
Nicole

Panamanian Pleasures

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Panamanian pleasures enriching the mind, body and spirit.

Costa Rica was gorgeous and yet Panama has been tantalizing; the flavors, spices, and eye candy of the islands, dazzling one in a dreamy display.

The island of Bocas that where I’m on is tropical and quaint.
The tourists are the focal point. I have met people from all over the world, mostly Europeans and Americans in this hot spot. I was told by a local friend that 10 years ago there were only dirt roads on this island.

My experiences being of a dreamlike, magical nature.

I have to sometimes wonder if in fact…

I am asleep.

My taste buds have been exploding with the caribbean tastes, sweet, hot, fresh and juicy flavors that complement the tropical weather in this pacific paradise. The food here has been a source of exquisite delight.
Cooling and refreshing in the morning, I suck down fresh, locally grown papaya juices.
Invigorating my mind and body.
This orangey pink, slightly sweet fruit contains an enzyme called papain which helps break down proteins, a source of vit E, vit c and folic acid, I add in my own sprinkle of 5,000 Mgs ascorbic acid (vit c) as pep.
I’d love to harvest the succulent aloe leaves I have seen growing around and add into this creation, cooling and lubricating for the body.
Perhaps another time and place.

Pulling out my mini apothecary wherever I go, I infuse the locally grown coffee with 2 tbsns coconut oil and cinnamon, providing numerous benefits.
I have a theory, and I would like to run it by some skin specialists at some point.
In the past, being quite the gringo that I am, when out in the sun I would burn intensely without sunscreen.
Sans sunscreen, I have only been faintly red at points, quickly turning to a golden tan. My skin has been left utterly soft and smooth. I contribute this to ingesting coconut oil, aloe and avocados.

During the day I eat light, seaweed salads and greens with either apple cider vinegar or fresh lime juice for flavor. I am left with the vibrancy of these living foods, taking it in through all the cells in my body.
Ceviche is a new favorite of mine. Served chilled, this raw fish cooked in lime juices, cilantro and spices is a caribbean staple and the taste is incredibly tangy and succulent.
At night I pick up the pace with my meals, generously adding the local hot sauces to everything I eat, the peppers add intensity and spice, insatiably warming me up.

One balmy night while out with new friends while visiting a local bar with my travel buddy. No, we didn’t order a drink.
Instead we were feeling the need for an iodine/akaline fix, being the concoctioneer that I am, I pulled kelp out of my bag, asked the bartender for a couple of plastic cups and started mixing away, the fascinated bartender was receiving abundant tips
on sea plant life and detoxing. 😉

For more info on food sources described please check out these post:

Daily Additions

Remedies

Winter Blues
This journey is unplanned and random and I laugh because I asked to come down to volunteer and my volunteering has taken an unconventional route.
It seems I am healing and coaching wherever I go in one form or another, without expecting any form of payment.
In giving of myself to every person I encounter, whether it be with a smile, healing/energy work, health tips or generosity.
I intend to always enrich another’s life. I wish to leave each person happier, more knowledgeable and feeling more empowered than before our encounter.
Leaving each place a tiny bit better than before.

xo,
Nicole

I will post soon with more experiences.

Bienvenidos Panama!

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Before I begin with adventuring

I would like to impart a thought.
This living my dream,
this is not just me…..
while my dream may be different from yours,
I ask you.

What are you passionate aboout?
What drives you?
What is it that your heart sings to, where time seems to not exist?

Seek out your dream beyond the societal constructs of norms and conforms.
Your purpose is to live your dream, and your dream reveals your purpose within it.
As conventional or unconventional as it may be
Go for it.

create your dream,
live your dream,
become your dream……

: )

First lesson of traveling for the day.
Ask.
On both buses on our way to Panama, there were occurrences that made me have to take the initiative by being assertive in the language that I know very little of. Both of these lessons in asking reminded me of the importance of body language.
Graciously, gracias and a smile go a long way.

I asked myself, what is the best in a sticky situation?
sit and feel annoyed and/or complain, or try to accept and tune out what is?

Neither
change is not created either of those ways….

In asking.
VOILA
I receive.

 

While in meditation,
I remembered,
its up to me how I am feeling about any situation
acceptance is the key,
one can also ask for what they desire,
although it may not always be.

Our day of bus riding was coming to an end, as it was getting dark
we were arriving to the border of Panama and almost as a disappearing act, everyone had exited the bus. My traveling soul sister Sheena and I, were the only two on the bus by the time we arrived at the last stop.
Sixaola
Thinking we were going to be able to cross the border as we had been informed, plans had shifted and it was not possible at night.
Looking around outside we both felt ill at ease.
To say the least.
hmmmmmm
Surrounded by what most would call dangerous, our driver had us stay in the bus while figuring out a situation for us.

Ummmm Hotel?
we asked in our oh so american way
This guide of the night looked at us, an elderly gentleman with care in his heart, and took us under his wing.
Driving us around in the bus, he took us to a nearby hotel and the young girl informed us.

No Vacancy.

Our vigilant bus driver would not give up, after stopping to say hello and tell his wife he was helping us, he then drove us to another bus driver.
There they brainstormed a way to get us not quite panicking, but definitely wide-eyed young american women to a place that was safe.
Over and over I kept hearing,
its all going to work out perfectly.

As this mantra was repeating in my head, a car drove by, the bus driver flagged him down and after speaking with him, informed us that this driver was safe and would be able to take us to a town called Bribri, 30 kms away.

there were no other options.
As it is in the flow, with intentions of always being guided, and knowing that I am protected….
follow the signs.

an amazing force was working with us.

We were lead to a quaint, homey hotel in the jungle.
and it worked out perfectly ; )

Back to the asking thing, I asked for adventure, and I realized
be careful what you ask for……
meaning
BE SPECIFIC
Ease and lightness are now a part of this adventure.

I asked to immerse myself in all of the culture of Costa Rica, and I got a flavor of its richness and warmth in Bribri. a glimpse that would not have been viewed if it weren’t for this apparent obstacle.
There was a familial warmth in the way life took place in this little town, as though everyone knew one another and took pride in creating a synergistic community.
Spending only a couple of hours here while waiting for the next bus, I liked the feeling I received from this place. While we were definitely outsiders, we were treated warmly, and with a smile, welcomed into this community.

Bueno

The rest of the way to Panama was smooth sailing, we had to learn the ropes of the lessons. Once in, Panama felt different, a new landscape presented itself, more banana trees and dry weather.
Crossing the rickety, old bridge with gaps as large as me in it, making friends with Norwegians, we made it through the border, taking a shuttle to the boat taxi to the island of….
Bocas Del Toro.
Finally.
The next post will contain some of the adventures thus far in breezy, tropical Panama.

xo,
Nicole

Central America

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The adventure continues…..

Spontaneity at its best, unexpected twists and turns with connections being formed. Life moves, shifting us into a flow that at times is indescribable.

Riding on wavelengths that are redefining my existence.

As I sit here writing and learning spanish from a three year old, I will to the best of my ability describe the incredible exchanges that have taken place over the past few days.

Monkey?
Mono!

Feeling that it was time to move onto our next destination, we traveled by bus from the lush Caribbean jungle back to San Jose, a city of bustling energy, a place that has become a home away from home, away from home.

To find a new place to explore.
Remembering
Wherever I go, my home is within.

We arrived in San Jose and within the night decided to meet up with a man who DN had met on the bus.
Rod, a gregarious, warm hearted American from Idaho.
He was in Costa Rica for his project, a patent on blue prints of homes, to be built as part of Haiti’s new infrastructure.
The homes are brilliantly designed as part of a build-able, recycled structure, with solar panels and a central system including filtered plumbing.
On so many levels, this set up is in line with the wave of the future, efficiency and sustainability at the core of helping thousands of people have new homes.
We would like to help implement these systems when it gets going, giving our efforts to support rebuilding. Creating a new standard of what can be re-created from such a horrific storm.

A cataclysmic cyclical existence
at times horrendous and heartbreaking.

After hearing Rod play us some perfect Johnny Cash on his guitar, our night ended with a delicious dinner. All of us happy to have made this connection, knowing it will grow into greatness.

Thank you Rod, you are an inspiration….

The next morning, the fiery volcano was calling to us. With numerous active ones nearby, our options were abundant.
At breakfast we ran into a fellow Charly’s place tenant, the outgoing member of our crew striking up a conversation with him.

Dennis, who turned out to be staying there after the night’s prior football (soccer) game of the Costa Rican teams.
He is one of the national referee.
We all connected instantly.

Discussing our plans with him, he was telling us about the different volcanos.
We asked him if he’d like to go with us.
“I have to be back for training at 3:30, but I can get you an extremely cheap rental car and take you up and show you the rainforest and largest volcano crater.”
His other profession?
a Tour Guide.

It became evident that we were supposed to meet him as well.
Dennis has a huge heart, going above and beyond, facilitating inexplicable experiences and showing us what local Costa Rican life is like.
Becoming an instant hermano del alma
(he just typed for me “soul brother” ;).

Pure Costa rican salsa serenaded our quad while meandering through the mountains into the rainforest. Coffee bean plantations and strawberry fields were dappling the view.
We stopped to pick fresh, succulent goodness, the sweetness and sunlight filled us up.

We went to see the infamous crater.
Steam and sulfur rose up through the living rainforest, breathing life into our beings with the mist encircling us.
The laguna, with the yellow stones encircling the clear blue of the sulfuric acid.
A magical, ethereal feeling.
I felt the intensity and life of our surroundings, mother earth herself invigorating us with her consciousness. She spoke of transcendence and owning the goddess within.
A natural rhythm within this mystical place, coming before, during, and within human nature.
Billions of years beyond our creation.
So it will be, life will keep going, yet again within the cyclical existence.

I could stay here forever,
yet time to be moving.
Growing, expanding, evolving.

On our way back down the mountains, Dennis stopped at a locally produced coffee, wine and cheese store.
Before we stepped out of the car, employees ran up to us with samples.
Drinks?
Yes, please.
Coffee liquors, cream and roasted beans.

Bueno, Bueno.
Cheeses, and ample amounts of samples.
Incredibly delicioso.

Driving back down we all are grinning cheek to cheek, laughing and exclaiming.
Gracias, Gracias!!!!!!!!

Afterwards, Dennis invited us to come watch him train with the fellow national refs.

In the valley of the lush mountains, we were interacting with the Costa Rican national football team in front and the Chinese national football in back. Strolling by us with a confidence and ease of any high profile team, we nod to them, national news present.
we were posing as american “scouts and reporters”

Out of place a bit, but there for a purpose: to experience the extraordinary.

Sheena and I drinking the locally made wine we picked up,

as we watch mi amore get to practice with the national referees. (He was pretty good being a rookie)

Gringo, gringo!!!
They are lovingly shouting to him

Bonita guapa(?)
to us ladies.

I think to myself.

Amo la vida!

xo,
Nicole

So much more to post since this has transpired, I will get back to you in a few with where we are, and what is next.

Own the King Within

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Men and boys,

I’d like to let you in on some secrets…..

Us girls or women, we are simpler than you think.
Trust me.
It may seem that we are complicated. Yet, that is only the exterior to a depth and power that resides in each of us.
All we truly need is a proper environment in order to flourish into our greatest potential.

The you that we love is the vulnerable space of connecting deeply and allowing us to feel safe. This allows us to have a space in order to let go within.

TRUST

I know that your status may seem impressive, we may seem like we want the money, the cars, the house.

Those are side notes to what we really want.

We want you to be a lover, companion, staple, one that we can trust through thick and thin.

One who will be there for us, be honest, respect and honor us.

No matter what.

So, along the spectrum, there are two ways you can be with us.

A supportive, encouraging, loving space where we can grow into our finest and most beautiful, a space that we feel comfortable to surrender into, you being our counterpart and balance.

Building us up.

Or you can view us as a pain in the ass, piece of ass, crazy, stupid, bitchy and we will be nothing more than that.

Breaking us down….

Men, there is an element of dominance that you can sometimes display, which over time becomes controlling your woman, not wanting her to be attractive to other men, keeping her caged in. That diminishes our inner happiness.
Criticize, condemn and control us and guess what will happen? Like a beautiful caged bird we will lose our luster, beauty and ability to soar.

It breaks our spirit.

You see that when you control or are mean to us, it’s only your fear and insecurity shining through to us. And we know that.

We are the backbone to the world, and within societies around the planet we are viewed in a demeaning, diminutive or degraded way. Ways that keep our true natures enclosed behind these worldly mindsets.

We are not these cardboard cutouts you see in the media, no, rather we are

Much more

Let go of your ideas of what you think a woman is instead allow each of us individually show you the amazing creatures we are.

And love us through it.

Let us be whatever comes through,

And love us through it.

Be a place we can let go into, so we can learn to trust you. Show us how you want us for more than the surface, for more than the physical.
Show us integrity and honor in your approach to us.

We want to surrender to you into a space of what will support us on all levels.

We want to give you our hearts and sometimes self protect waiting for you to hurt us.

To be honest, there is much hurt between us sexes, whether or not we acknowledge it.
We are in a vicious cycle with one another, one of domination, control, mis-trust, anger and fear.

It has been going for thousands of years.

Drop the swords boys and girls, time to become men and women.
We are all wounded in some manner, let’s love each other through our wounds and learn how to recreate our roles into ones of reciprocal love, support and encouragement.

How can we shift that together and learn to really be able to trust that we have the best intentions for one another?

We women understand, in order for you to grow into your fullest man-potential,
you need love, support and encouragement.

Perhaps we don’t give it to you the way you need it.
Instead we come off as nagging, complaining, bitchy or demanding
I understand.

Underneath that, we are loving and considerate, we care about you and your needs. Please remember that.

We also have to feel good about ourselves in order to properly give you the best love. That takes making us feel good about ourselves, talking to and treating us as though we are spectacular, amazing.

Proper communication is so important. Listening to us and our rants can sometimes be the answer to our issues, we know that you like to solve our problems but sometimes we just really need you to listen.

Show us, tell us, inform us how to be our best for you and we will do the same.

Let go of assuming to know

and

ASK US

what we think
how we feel
what we want
what pleases us (yes sexually too ; )

no
we are not all the same, in our individuality is where our true beauty lies.

While a comfortable life is great, what is it without proper love?

It’s about love, love, love.

You are so very loved.

Treat us like Goddesses, in return we will treat you as the Kings you are.

xo,
Nicole

Costa Rica

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Yes,

We made it to Costa Rica!

Where I had been having dreams and visions of traveling to.
It was an adventerous 15 hour flight, and I was exhausted when we arrived.
We had plans to come to a Hotel California that is up in a town near San Jose.

Up on the mountain, from the front porch, I could view the volcano. It was lush, windy and surprisingly cool where we were.
With only screens in the house the strong wind was heard day and night, producing a melodic feel.
It became the perfect home base, to figure out where to go next.
After going to the local grocery (that was an adventure 😉 to buy food two nights ago, the owner of the hotel had gone and picked up other guests. As we were sitting there talking to them, we understood.

The four of us were supposed to meet.

A couple who both had left their lives and jobs to be in integrity with making new things happen for themselves.

Amazing, reminds me of what I did when I first left my life as I knew it at 26.

We had enlightening conversation, surrounding all that we were currently embracing and experiencing.

All of us could feel how right this felt, as though it was lined up for us to travel together.
Knowing that, the four of us took off from the more metropolitan, city dwellings of the San Jose area.

The bus ride here was quite the escapade, there were no seats and so we sat on the floor for 4 and half hours.

We arrived to a place I was envisioning.
Kristos’ 2 bedroom, wood cabin in the jungle on the Caribbean side, in a town called Puerto Viejo.
The ocean, the jungle, the beach.
In this warm, tropical paradise my heart is singing praise.
Life is about living here.

Letting go of the need to try to plan anything, I am perpetually fueled by the flow, and we are shown troves of treasures in the mundane in life.

I could hear the monkeys in the trees last night before falling asleep, their OOHHH’s and AHHHH’s were reminiscent of how I have been feeling.
If you would’ve asked me two days ago where I would be today, I would never have thought it would be writing in an outside cafe in the middle of the jungle, with the beach across the street.

Nevertheless, here I am.

I believe in my ability to create my dreams and that more than anything is what I continue to build upon.
With gratitude, love, joy and knowing, this continuation of the abundance of life is mind-blowing.

Thank you universe, yet again!

xo,
Nicole

Hello Consciousness!

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Right now, I am staring at a 70 ft HUMUNGOUS Brachiosaurus.
Its skeleton at least.
We are sitting in a private little set up we’ve created, music and all, in the Chicago O’hare airport, on my way to,
well……….
I am not privy to tell you yet, it’s a secret.

I will let you know when we get there.

In the meantime, I would like to expound a bit, let you in on our travels and the whirlwind we have experienced.
Even if its just in mention.

Vail, Vail,
to you we hail……
we had an incredible time visiting you and your breathtaking views. You are a sight to behold, we were held spellbound by your snowbound beauty and had quite the time viewing your canyons, rivers, and snow-capped peaks.
In fact, we find it fascinating that there are places so beautiful, tucked away inside the Rockies, you are a breath of mountain fresh air.
You cleared our heads and grounded us in your wonders.
Gracias.

As for what we experienced while we were there.
Our amazing host, we’ll call him “Bobby”, provided an excellent space for us in a spacious condo right at your foothills,
Vail.
I literally strolled out and trekked up the mountain, amongst the few feet of snow and pines.

Yes, some could say the attitude is rather ritzy in your lands, Vail, and we, well we made it a bit artsy that night.
Its all in perception, right?
At this restaurant, I asked for us all to have crayons, and so we started a meal of art, reveling and sharing in one everyone’s presence, while coloring what came to us.
With my fun inner child already playing,
I ordered a banana split for dinner.
Along with the real meals that were top notch,
my banana split was PERFECTO!

As for us.

Onward, Ho

It is time for us to go to where consciousness guides us.
Consciousness, awareness, higher and higher.
completely guided by source.
Call it intuition or higher knowing, whatever it is it flows through, urging and guiding into where is needed to be.
Not in a plan, because it seems within this everflowing current, things are continually shifting. We have surrendered to the power of it, and what would seem impossible to get done within two days, we managed without the blink of the eye.
Including getting a passport, selling a car and ALL that entails, funding, purchasing tickets, organizing, repacking and shipping home what wasn’t needed . Several appointments and taking care of much business.
After I had altitude sickness.
A whirlwind, like I said.
We loved and appreciated every moment of being in Colorado.

 

xo,
Nicole

Morphogenic

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“Go within to find the answers to yourself, for you are the gatekeeper to your domain.
In the silence the answers will come, only in the quietude can you hear the essence of life, the vibration of heart, the energy of soul.
Let the shadows surface and find solace in the source.
Use these perceived faults as tools, to move forward and uncover self.
Take part in the evolution of self.”
5/11/2009 journal

We are driving through the breathtaking mountains of colorado, its incredible what we have already experienced and as much as I would like to go into that, instead I am taking you deep, deep into where my journeys have taken me.

Through my psyche.

It is an experiental experience to know oneself, a trial and error of creating.

My happiness and expansion have come with dedication to pushing myself out of my box.
Evolution = change= progress=wisdom accrued
Its in the uncomfortable, unknowing, changing places that true growth of self takes place within me. I now take it upon myself to consciously evolve, stepping into these unknowing places, inviting the forces of change to bring it on, show me what I can now become.
Push through

Adventuring started for me almost 2 years ago. At that time I was in a space of feeling stagnant and unhappy with where I was. My life by all means was stable, and comforting, yet there were inside and outside forces that seemed to be pushing me out of this comfortable life.
I could feel deep within me that there was more for me to experience, for me to become. I felt a undeniable loss of what I felt I had built up, yet it wasn’t so much a loss more so a need to gain.

I didn’t know where I was headed except for the first two destinations, and took off.
Life opened up, and I was shown through dreams and my heart of where to go next.

Following the flow.

I went from Montana for a month and a half, to New Mexico for 3 months, to Sedona for a weekend, up to San Francisco for 3 weeks, to Hawaii for 2 and half months, back home for a month, out to NYC for 5 months, back home for almost 3 months, then to Berlin for 5 weeks, home to process and start afresh for 4 months.
Haha, as I just read that I got overwhelmed.
The experiences within my travels have been more of an integration into the places I am residing, not as a tourist, instead living where I settle for the time being.
It is my dream to experience myself as a local wherever I journey to, I think that is where I truly learn.
Its not always glitz and glamour, but what in life is?

In leaving it became my entrance into the cocoon, weaving my chrysalis all around me, protecting me, keeping myself in convalescence.
I didn’t know where I would be going from my first stop, but I knew that I would never again be what I once was.
My transformation was inevitable, and however long it took, when I was through I would emerge with a knowing of self beyond all of what I defined myself with at home.
This was a gateway, a transformative period of surrendering my old way of belonging and saying goodbye for good to the girl within me.
leaving all behind in search of self

if I can’t look within, at all that is within, how can I possibly bring it out?
I had dreams, visions and epiphanies of being this woman

I had to ask myself the simple question.

who am I outside all that defines me?
what is it I need to release?
how do I bring myself authentically into the world?
how to overcome MYSELF?

Becoming whole took the courage to undermine parts of myself.
go within
breakdown to break through.
Digging down felt unpleasant, looked unpleasant at times, emotions, flashes and memories that I did not on any level wish to acknowledge.
I am fine, had been my key phrases throughout my life.

I wasn’t fine, my self wasn’t where I wanted to be.
Push, dig, unravel, reweave.

“Everything can be a possible course of action, show love to yourself, know that you are in a healing space.
The process has been unfolding up until now, and these are the steps to undo your negative patterns that are deeply rooted.
Just BE, know that all you wish for will come to fruition.
Your purpose will become more clear, your mind more sharp as you move to take your seat within and regain full power of self.
Trust the process, let it unfold”
5/22/2009 journal

Not an easy process, digging into my subconscious patterns

I had to contend and come to terms with my ego.
Realizing that much has been created out of my wounds. Self protecting and putting guards up.

 

I spoke into the empty spaces once worked through promising myself

 

A beautiful, tragic and eloquent process of aligning myself with who I truly am.
I started to feel this solid presence of my inner self, knowing that with cultivation this part of me would become unmistakeable.
slowly, and little by little I was transforming my chrysalis becoming stronger, heavier, almost ready to emerge.
A new energy emanated from within, a hum of clarity, a knowing of a deeper nature.
Building my foundation out of unshakeable stone, instead of crumbling sand.

When issues surface from time to time, I look at them with compassion and give myself the space to work through them, with love I tell myself its ok to process.
Situations and people that represented old parts of myself started to either fall away, or transform into a space where I could flourish.

I have emerged from my cocoon, with intelligence, depth, inner beauty, strength, knowledge of self and self love, and I love every minute of what I have experienced.
What I have come into within is so much more than any amount of money, career move, or partying could have brought me.
A journey within that forever changed my life.

A level of knowing myself permeates my existence, whether or not it is accepted.

I know who I am.

xo,

Nicole